Say I won’t move to NYC and immedietly become an unfortunate person to be around.

24 Jun
God I am good at finding cabs in my city!

God I am good at finding cabs in my city!

Did you see the Yanks game? We look terrible this year! Is this shirt OK? No, seriously guys, is this shirt OK? Sleeves rolled, or sleeves down? Sleeves rolled? Yea, that’s what I thought, devastation! I am absolutely killing this outfit right now. Man I worked hard this week! Today was killer. Even though its Friday you have to realize that in NYC they do things a little differently. See the way that I am smirking when I said that? I am inexplicably proud of the work hours I put in this week. You see that action down south right now? That’s my work boner from loving how much I worked today. Dudes, everyone in NYC works from 5am – 11pm on Fridays but I am already used to it because the three weeks I have been here have erased the previous 23 years I lived in Bethesda. Seriously, How is this shirt working? I know it looks good but does it look like I care? Anyways, I’ve got tonight all planned out. I have like five spots we are going to pillage tonight. Granted, three of them are way to far away from each other to ever realistically reach, but your forgetting that I am way to over confident in how many people will still be out at 3:45am. In fact, being that I have lived here less than a month I am obligated to make the incorrect declaration that “things don’t even really get started until 3am!” God damn I am simply raping this outfit! Wait, I almost forgot, time for my forced and overly hateful comment about hipsters. See, you guys aren’t living in the city so you don’t know how annoying they are! We should just systematically round them up and put them in a forced labor camp and watch them all starve to death! Hahaha get it? They would all die! Haha stupid hipsters. Drink up boys, I’m already on my sixth RBV and I will soon be switching over to vodka shots. Don’t even bother asking why I drink vodka shots now, it’s just this thing I am doing. So any news boys? I see Frank couldn’t make it up, what’s he up to these days? He is the assistant manager at a health food store? He is engaged? Ok ok yea yea but where does he live? He lives in Cincinnati!? Hahahahaha fucking loser! What’s that? No, I always talk this loud now. It is just something I do now that I am from “the city.” We better get going soon before my shirt presses charges on me for absolutely abusing it right now. Last time though, how are the sleeves? Tonight is going to be so much fun I actually feel sick right now! Lets go grab a cab on 82nd, take it to the subway, and then transfer to a bus. That way I can pretend in my head that you all have public transit knowledge envy! Look how many floors this elevator can go to dude, what a tall building! If you can find Lobby press the button. I think it was Miranda who once said “Lets hit the city bitches!”


2 Responses to “Say I won’t move to NYC and immedietly become an unfortunate person to be around.”

  1. Fat Lever June 24, 2009 at 11:18 am #

    “OMG…I’m so moving to Brooklyn. Then…as soon as I can, I’m going to change my phone number so when I call you it won’t pop up as ‘Tully’…and I can wear Biggie shirts, because I’m from BRRRRROOOKLLLLYNNNN now…right?”

  2. Toni Kukoc June 24, 2009 at 11:11 am #



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