Say girls won’t confuse having a bad day with being sick

25 Aug

Madison – “What’s up girl?”

Claire – “eh”

Madison – “I totally know what you mean. Are you feeling better? You twittered a sad face this morning, and when I saw you this evening at whole foods buying sorbet you were even making a sad face with your real face, and I was like thinking that she is totally not feeling well today.”

Claire – “Yea, I am not feeling well at all. You know when you are having one of those days when you wake up and you feel like you might be getting sick, and you have all this stuff to do, and you kind of miss your ex boyfriend, even though you don’t really, but you kind of do, and you feel like you need water, or maybe tea, or even just like some stuff so your not all like blah feeling?”

Madison – “I know exactly what you mean. I totally felt that way like a week ago. It was raining outside, my DVR was broken, it was an odd day on the calendar, and I was like I am NOT feeling it today. Plus I had totally like eaten something carby the day before and I was like this day is not going to be good. I was really sick.”

Claire – “God, I know right. That’s why I missed work today. I was plagued by nondescript symptoms and indescribable ailments.

Madison – “Did you call in sick and talk to Erica?”

Claire – “Well, to be completely honest, do you remember the conversation the three of us had at the holiday party? When I told her about my haircut.”

Madison – “Yea, and she was all like it looks fine to me.”

Claire – “Yea, well today was not the day I needed to be talking to her because frankly since that day I feel like she is just a…

Madison – “…Insensitive whore alien from planet fat arms?”

Claire – “Exactly!”

Madison – “I understand, aren’t our combined feelings of hatred towards her both founded and rational. Anyways…”

Claire – “Anyways… The worst part of my alleged illness is that it is preventing me from enjoying any of my favorite activities. It has permeated my very being. It is just so ambiguously influential.”

Madison – “That makes so much sense! Last week I was using my symptomless illness as an excuse to completely self indulge, and my blanket felt totally scratchy the entire time I was watching Glee. On top of that, the Healthy Choice penne pasta I was eating had this thing in it!”

Claire – “Ewwwww, a thing!?”

Madison – “I know, Yuck. It was like this thing. I don’t even know what it was. I was really sick. I just switched to straight cookie dough, but even that didn’t make me feel better.”

Claire – “Not even cookie dough worked? I was just about to try that too. I was also thinking about bitching about things that I am secretly happy about. For example, if cookie dough doesn’t work, and I really don’t feel like eating, I am going to lose like 3 pounds. Which is totally annoying cause I’m just going to gain it back.”

Madison – “You are soooo not gaining it back, like you need to lose it, pshaaaw”

Claire – “Awwww that actually made me feel better. As it turns out, the cure to my sickness was actually just hollow compliments.”

Madison – “Yea, that’s how I got over my illness as well. Don’t you hate being sick.”


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